FUNNY: Alternate word meanings...

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My friend Michael who lives in London for now sent me this.

Once again, The Washington Post published its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words (& leave it to the Post to search for new meanings).

And the winners are …

​1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

​2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

​3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

​4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

​5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

​6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly\       answer the door in your nightgown.

​7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

​8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.

​9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after\      you are run over by a steamroller

​10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

​11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

​12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a\       proctologist immediately before he examines you.

​13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with\       Yiddish expressions.

​14. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.

​15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die your Soul\       goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

​16. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts

Found a typo or error? Suggest an edit! If accepted, your contribution is listed automatically here.

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15 responses

  1. Avatar for polish bike ride
    polish bike ride May 31st, 2005

    A polish bike ride is when you ride a bike without the seat on just the pole

  2. Avatar for shana
    shana July 17th, 2007

    ocording to my cakcalsons-mean ima geek

  3. Avatar for ...
    ... September 29th, 2007

    pokemon: a sexually active man (poking man)

  4. Avatar for Mark
    Mark March 14th, 2008

    Petrogliphics - the plastic numbers used to display the price of gasoline at the local sservice station

  5. Avatar for Terry
    Terry June 5th, 2008

    A couple I have come accross in my travels:
    > Bigamist = Italian Fog.
    > Innuendo = Italian Suppository.

  6. Avatar for Ally
    Ally January 9th, 2009

    It means somthing is hillous! you have lagture

  7. Avatar for Maeve Fourie
    Maeve Fourie February 23rd, 2009

    Here are all the words I've come up with...
    Persist – A nasty fluid building up on a handbag. (Purse cist)
    Lieutenant – Someone who spends a lot of time in the toilet… (Loo tenant)
    Meagre – What an ogre calls him- or herself (me-ger)
    Bashful – A very aggressive person.
    Proceed – A botanist (Pro seed)
    Convex – To make a prisoner angry.
    Sedate – To look at a calendar.
    Refer – To grow hair back.
    Acquire – A group of people that sing.
    Receipt – To sit back down.
    Succeed – What a toothless budgie does. (Suck seed)
    Meaning – The action of being cruel.
    Buccaneer- an awfully high price to pay for corn (Buck an ear)
    Liabilities- the ability to lie
    Disguise- To be cruel to men.

  8. Avatar for Kamran Khan Burdi
    Kamran Khan Burdi February 20th, 2010

    Bashful – A very aggressive person.
    Proceed – A botanist (Pro seed)
    Convex – To make a prisoner angry.
    Sedate – To look at a calendar.
    Refer – To grow hair back.
    Acquire – A group of people that sing.
    Receipt – To sit back down.
    Succeed – What a toothless budgie does. (Suck seed)
    Meaning – The action of being cruel.
    Buccaneer- an awfully high price to pay for corn (Buck an ear)
    Liabilities- the ability to lie
    Disguise- To be cruel to men.

  9. Avatar for danny
    danny October 3rd, 2010

    countryside - killing the GoCompare guy

  10. Avatar for Andrew Sparkes
    Andrew Sparkes January 2nd, 2017

    Seussaphone: Rhyming sound and style used in popular children's prose Usually rhyming on the last word or beat of each verse. Forming a rhythmic or melodic flow of words. One fish Two fish Red Fish Blue Fish Cindy Lou Who, who was no more then two. I do not like green eggs and ham I do not like them Sam I am. etc...

  11. Avatar for Andrew Sparkes
    Andrew Sparkes January 2nd, 2017

    Cock.a.sian: sexual relations with someone of Asian or Oriental extraction
    {Any Penile penitration of same.} above.

  12. Avatar for Andrew Sparkes
    Andrew Sparkes January 2nd, 2017

    Sau.na noticing hickies or bite marks, past tense.

  13. Avatar for Andrew Sparkes
    Andrew Sparkes January 2nd, 2017

    Fairy.tale: what single gay men are looking for on a Friday night.

  14. Avatar for Andrew Sparkes
    Andrew Sparkes January 2nd, 2017

    Petty.point: any argument or statement made solely to score a personal point.

  15. Avatar for Amara Lundy
    Amara Lundy July 15th, 2017

    Bemusement: Being surrounded, perhaps even plagued by inspiration.