My friend Michael who lives in London for now sent me this.

Once again, The Washington Post published its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words (& leave it to the Post to search for new meanings).

And the winners are …

​1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

​2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

​3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

​4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

​5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

​6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly
      answer the door in your nightgown.

​7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

​8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.

​9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after
     you are run over by a steamroller

​10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

​11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

​12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a
      proctologist immediately before he examines you.

​13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with
      Yiddish expressions.

​14. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.

​15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die your Soul
      goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

​16. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts