Blogging Is Pure Vanity: Profile Of A Vain Blogger

blogging, humor 0 comments suggest edit

PubSub is no longer around, so those links will be broken. I’ve written a new post that provides fresh opportunities for being a vain blogger.

Vanity I’m not the first to say it and I probably won’t be the last. But blogging is pure vanity, and new services out there just make it easier and easier to inflate one’s head.

For starters, the vain blogger will subscribe to his own RSS feed (or ATOM feed) in his favorite RSS reader. The vain blogger will assure you that this is for quality assurance purposes, but the astute reader can see right through that smokescreen. Obviously this is just the blogger’s vain longing to gaze at his own writing akin to staring at a mirror.

The next step is to install the Google Toolbar so the vain blogger can check his Google PageRank every day, in hopes of seeing even the slightest climb validating his pathetic existence.

“Hey! Look at that. It moved up a notch from 3 to 4!!! I’m a GOD! You really love me! Now please click on the ads below and make me RICH!”

Naturally, if the vain blogger is using .TEXT, he’ll religiously check the admin section hourly for page view and aggregator stats and pore over the referrer lists looking for that lone referral that is NOT a result of a Google search.

The more sophisticated vain blogger realizes poring through referrer logs is futile and steps it up a notch by using tools such as Technorati, Feedster (no longer around), and PubSub (also gone bye-bye). These tools enable the vain blogger to register his or her blog on their search engines and then subscribe to a feed of blogs that mention or link to his own. Ah… this takes the blogger to the next level of vanity. But it doesn’t stop there.

Pubsub provides a link rank page. Enter a domain and it displays where it ranks in the blogosphere. Today my blog jumped from 2048 to 1893! Wohoo!…I think. I have no idea what that number means or what the total range is, but that’s inconsequential to the vain blogger. It’s a number, and it’s better than it was. That’s all that matters.

What is vanity if there is nobody around to behold it. Thus the vain blogger whores himself out by linking to Scoble or Dave Winer in hopes of a back referral and perhaps endorsement. Better yet, he’ll try to get link to his blog posted on BoingBoing to drive some real traffic to the site.

Ah yes, as we see, blogging is pure vanity. As the author of this respectable blog, I vow not to drag it and its readers through the dirt of such degrading procedures. No no. I will not debase myself in such manner and will strive to stay on the high ground. I will retain my dignity and integrity.

Unless of course you can get me on Slashdot…

UPDATE: One tool on the vain blogger’s utility belt I forgot to mention is blatant self promotion. Got that one from Brian Bailey’s tips for a better blog, but it applies just as well to vanity.

Tags: blogging, Meta blogging

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Comments

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14 responses

  1. Avatar for James Snape
    James Snape October 8th, 2004

    hahaha.. Spot on. You got me. Don't forget adding daft comments to other people's blogs in order to get links back to your own site.



    James.

  2. Avatar for vgblog@thegillfamily.us
    vgblog@thegillfamily.us October 8th, 2004

    Don't forget about "The Truth Laid Bear: The Blogosphere Ecosystem", http://www.truthlaidbear.com/ecosystem.php

    Can't go a day without checking to see if I am at least a Marauding Marsupial...

  3. Avatar for nospamplease75@yahoo.com (Haac
    nospamplease75@yahoo.com (Haac October 10th, 2004

    Good point! Adding comments does the trick! Spread the word!

  4. Avatar for Barry Dorrans
    Barry Dorrans January 8th, 2005

    Comments? That's old hat, for real vanity send trackback pings and complain about blogs that don't support them, or bloggers who don't send them (that's you Scoble!)

  5. Avatar for Ray Williams
    Ray Williams January 8th, 2005

    That's an awesome post. And how hilariously true! I DID have to stop for a moment to see if you were talking about me with the RSS part. I just signed up with bloglines and went about adding feeds. I added my own website to see what it looked like from the bloglines site. Not really for vanity, but I had to second guess myself when I read that paragraph! I screamed:"Good God, am I vain blogger?!"



    (Website address not given so as not to fulfill James comment...) :)



  6. Avatar for Alpha
    Alpha January 10th, 2005

    subscribing to one's own feed is nothing. I've got all six of my feeds subscribed in Bloglines: XML 1.0, XML 2.0, RDF 1.0, Atom, and FeedBurner. haha! and they're all for quality control. or maybe I like the sound of myyy voooiiice.

  7. Avatar for felix
    felix January 12th, 2005

    Yes, I'm beginning to think bloggers are the only ones who actually read blogs, just so they can pan them and croak about how good their own stuff is by comparison. LOL

  8. Avatar for dilvie
    dilvie January 20th, 2005

    You got me pegged. Great post! I didn't know about PubSub's link rank.

  9. Avatar for OmarWatch
    OmarWatch January 30th, 2005

    I've always thought blogging was the product of excessive self-indulgence. When one of my particularly vain coworkers started a particularly insipid blog, it was time to strike back. So I started blogging the news of his life. Then I told everyone else at work about it except him. He still doesn't know about it and we've been laughing at him for a week now.

  10. Avatar for Jonathan de Halleux
    Jonathan de Halleux January 30th, 2005

    We all need a shrink... Every era has his plague, 21th has blogging.

  11. Avatar for Vlad
    Vlad January 30th, 2005

    Your post truely hits the nail on its head, hard. But afterall, we're all just trying to make a stand, don't we? Not to mention, it's one's primate instict that drives Joe Blogger to whore for attention. Or to put it in words of Homer J Simpson:



    "whee look at me, look at me".

  12. Avatar for Haacked
    Haacked January 30th, 2005

    The best shrink is the ability to poke fun at ourselves and not take this too seriously.



    We're all trying to vie for attention. It's those that take themselves too seriously, dreaming of the billions of people thirsting for every drop of their online words, when in reality mom checks the blog once a month, that I worry about.



    I'm all for vanity!

  13. Avatar for jessi
    jessi May 17th, 2005

    vanity shmanity. check out my blog.

    (you've proved your point)

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