When Soccer Players Attack ... me

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fightThis weekend I nearly got into a fight while playing soccer. To give you perspective, this is a friendly co-ed game with a group of people I’ve played with for six years. Player ages range from the early twenties up to fifty something.

After a tough play, the other player (I’ll call him Bob to protect the guilty) and I got into a verbal argument. I’ve been in these shouting matches before. You yell at each other a bit making sure to look real angry. Eventually, someone else will yell “C’mon. Just play soccer!” and we’ll both agree to quit yelling and continue with the game.

But Oh No! Not this time. Bob had to go and change the rules on me. As the shouting match was in a normal bell-curve progression, he stepped toward me and shoved me hard. This shocked me. My thought process in that moment went something like this.

That a-hole just pushed me!\ Oh no he didn’t!\ No. Wait. He did.\ Now why would that moron do that? Doesn’t he realize this is a shouting not a shoving match?\ Damn, he’s pissed. He needs an anger management class.\ Come to think of it. I’m pissed too!\ He’s a good 4 to 5 inches taller than me.\ I don’t care, I should kick his ass.\ Hmmm… Then again, if I retaliate, I may not be allowed to continue playing.\ Hmmm… I’d rather play soccer than whoop Bob’s ass.

I’m a slow thinker, and by the time I reached this conclusion, there were five people between the two of us, and I hadn’t made any reaction except the look of shock on my face. He is definitely in need of an anger management class or two, but it also gave me pause to consider if I’ve been an angrier person lately. Certainly if you get me started talking about the Bush administration (and calling it an “administration” is being too kind. It’s more of a nitwit circus) I get in a furor. I certainly could have let Bob wag his finger at me without responding in an angry manner. But lately, I’ve lost all patience for fools. I do not suffer fools lightly. I’m becoming Huey from the Boondocks.

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8 responses

  1. Avatar for phil's wife
    phil's wife May 12th, 2004

    Hey Huey,

    Maybe your new tempurpedic chair will cradle your butt just right so you don't feel so angry!

  2. Avatar for Haacked
    Haacked May 12th, 2004

    Maybe a massage will also soothe the savage beast.

  3. Avatar for Bob
    Bob May 12th, 2004


    My name is not BOB, but Bill, and I'll see you on the field again!!!!!

    We'll have some serious fist-a-cuffs! It will be the Thrilla-in-Santa Monicaaaa!

  4. Avatar for nospamplease75@yahoo.com (Haac
    nospamplease75@yahoo.com (Haac May 13th, 2004

    Actually your real name starts with "M". It's not "Moron" but it ought to be. Bring it on!


  5. Avatar for Bob
    Bob May 13th, 2004

    Great, another clue about my real identity! This really displeases M...

  6. Avatar for Koba
    Koba May 14th, 2004

    That's why I bring my machete to all soccer matches.

  7. Avatar for nospamplease75@yahoo.com (haac
    nospamplease75@yahoo.com (haac May 14th, 2004

    Hmmmm...I'll have to bring you next time.

  8. Avatar for Erik
    Erik April 27th, 2005

    yo dude i got hit int he side of the head wile i was skateboarding

    and like i went and trucked the bastard in the face and ive hated them ever since