Don’t you hate it when you momentarily lose all control and pig out like a death row inmate on his last meal? I need to exhibit more self control during those “all you can eat” moments, because I am so uncomfortable right now.

This must be how it feels to be a 10 ton elephant trying to sit comfortably in an oh-so-NOT-ergonomic chair. I hear elephants complain about that all the time.

I know you want to hear all about my troubles, but I just needed to vent.