Jeff Atwood writes that truly great programmers are not only lazy, but dumb too.

If you ask my wife, you’ll learn that I’m about the laziest guy around. In fact, I’m quite tempted to end this blog post at that, but I’ll fight my natural state and continue.

To bolster my case I should add that my short-term memory makes you wonder if the movie Memento was inspired by me.

So what was I writing about? Oh yeah, by this criteria I must be the greatest programmer ever! At least I thought so until I read that humility is also a key trait to programming success.

Humility?

Look. I’m here to make computers obey my every command, not seek enlightenment in a monastery after 20 reincarnated lifetimes of trying not to step on insects. How does one embrace humility while trying to act as a complete and total authoritarian to a machine? To the machine, I am God! Bwahahaha.

If you thought your last girlfriend was controlling, you haven’t seen a developer with a computer. You ever see how a software developer gets when the computer doesn’t obey his/her commands to the letter? Let’s just say the stream of profanities is enough to make a grown sailor cry to momma.

But here goes… he’s totally right! There’s nothing more frustrating than that developer who won’t admit a gap in his or her knowledge. That person has ceased to grow as a developer.

Heck, I met a guy who just might have well known everything there was to know about writing software (as others seemed to indicate). But I also learned that he was an arrogant insufferable prick and was nearly impossible to work with. What’s the use of a developer who knows it all when he is incapable of sharing it with his team and brings down everyone’s morale?

So to bolster my claim to the title of “Best Programmer In The World” (and in an attempt to wrestle the title away from Jeff), I humbly admit that I know jack shit about software development. In fact, I’m really just a janitor using the computer at the library to post this. The persona of “Haacked” is really one of my many fine personalities. Good evening and I’ll get to that spill in room #327 soon enough.