We fly off tomorrow to Seattle and don’t let me catch you even thinking about trying to snake my stuff. I live in a very bad neighborhood, you wouldn’t want to be there after dark or in the nude. We have vicious blind dogs in the yard that have been raised on human meat and will bite anything that breathes or walks funny. And robots in the house with lasers and duct tape and … and Barry Manilow CDs!

And…um.. we have cameras all over the place, and a direct upload to America’s Funniest Home Videos so everyone can laugh at you when you’re attacked by blind dogs, including the girl in HR who never looks in your direction you pathetic slob.

Besides, my stereo is out-dated and sounds crappy. But I hear the neighbors just bought a huge flat panel HDTV with a Bang & Olufsen stereo. You should steal their shit instead.