The Evil Post

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Dr. Evil It’s an odd quirk of our taste for “round” numbers that we tend to celebrate milestones that are multiples of a power of ten. For example, a 10th anniversary is somehow more significant than a 6th anniversary. Likewise, a 100th post is more significant than a 73rd post.

Kim Il Jong This post reaches a different sort of milestone, it is my 666th post. Yes, this post bears with it the mark of the beast. I dedicate this post to pure eeeeevil.

Evil Calvin Not having a reputation evil, my first step is to gauge my current evil quotient via the “How evil are you?” website. Unfortunately I rated quite good on the Evil-o-meter. There was certainly work to do.

So chomped down on my Cuban cigar, fired up Internet Explorer (evil-o-meter rising) and navigated to the evil overload list. Using Powerpoint (+2 on the evil-o-meter) I copied the list verbatim (DMCA anyone?) and started committing them to memory.

After getting a bit bored, I spent a little time doing some stem cell research and even tried my hand at human cloning. I thought about having an abortion, but as I am male, had a tough time getting pregnant. So I changed tactics and bought an H2 and drove it into a nature preserve while smoking an illegal substance and drinking a forty.

At this point, I realized that to really get the evil-o-meter soaring, I should SPAM people. Not only should I create SPAM, I should write a web service to do so. I wrote one that returned an ADO.NET DataSet of email addresses and websites with comments enabled so that others could join in the SPAMination. Soon all the world would know about all the latest Texas Hold-Em websites.

Oh, did I mention that application is written with only one line of code? And there are no comments. And I used HTML Tables and NO CSS. It’s covered in Hungarian Notation. And I have promoted it as an example of “SOA”. And the application connects to the (non-normalized) database using the SA account without a password. I used inline sql without using parameterized queries. Yes, Satan himself is starting to get worried here. But then again, I personally didn’t write this code, I off-shored it to a sweatshop in China that employs overworked six year olds to hack out the code.

Evil Bert After all this hard work, I relaxed to a game of Dungeons & Dragons while watching a little sesame street to absorb the evil that is Bert. This led to an internal debate about which character is more evil, Barney or Bert?

Evil Barney After studying this mathematical proof of Barney’s evil and this essay, “Why is Barney Considered Evil”, I concluded that indeed, Barney is more evil.

I considered creating a Marketing website without an RSS feed, but not even I was ready to go that far.

After all that, I went back to retake the evil survey. It turns out that I may have done a bit too much research as the site declared that I wasn’t evil but clinically insane. Not bad for a day’s work. I wonder what post should I dedicate to insanity?

[Listening to: Thriller - Michael Jackson - HIStory, Past, Present And Future, Book 1 (Compilation) (Disc 1) (5:57)]

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