An Open Message To Comment Spammers

Monkey Hello y’all. In case you haven’t noticed, links in my comments now have a rel=”nofollow” attribute attached. That means no more Google juice when you post a list of links in the comments section of my site. So you can stop now. No really. Move along. No point in comment spamming here.

Ok, since you’re still here, you’ve apparently noticed, this hasn’t placed a magical barrier around comment spamming. You’ve forced me to unveil my next weapon against comment spam. When posting a comment, my server will obtain your IP address and location and unleash a legion of angry lonely Ninjas to dispatch anyone found at the address. Not to mention that my server will start streaming Yanni’s greatest hits to your browser. If you make me really angry, I’ll send Yanni himself. But only in rare occasions as his hourly rate burns a hole in my wallet.

Besides, your comments will be removed from my site expediently. I have a crack team of monkeys in Nigeria who are highly trained to identify and remove comment spam from my site. For one banana a month, comment spam is cleansed from my site. (Sorry to American monkeys for offshoring, but I really couldn’t afford the standard five banana rate).

Comments

4 responses

Shawn Cicoria • January 19th, 2005
I have to recomend an alternate Development shop to help clean the comments:

http://www.newtechusa.com/ppi/main.asp

Haacked • January 19th, 2005
Ha! That's too awesome! I think I've seen that before way back when.

Barry Dorrans • January 20th, 2005
But won't the Nigerian monkeys also spam themselves?

My name is Queen Kong, the first daughter of King Kong, of the most popular monkey ruler from Nigeria, kidnapped and murdered by evil american capitalists. As led by my instinct, I decided to contact you through blog spam, after searching for contacts via the internet, as it is the only means I can contact anybody since I am cutting off ties with Nigeria for security and safety reasons.

However, I apologise if this is not acceptable to you. The purpose of this letter is to seek your most needed assistance in a business venture. Due to the ruling problems in Nigeria my father for saw the danger that came. Before he was kidnapped, he withdrew all of our banana foreign accounts in dollars and sold up our shares in Chiquita. We then went to SOUTH AFRICA to deposit the sum of 14.5 thousand US bananas ....

haacked • January 25th, 2005
Ha ha. Barry, when people post on my blog, an email is sent to me. Your post landed in my SPAM filter. It has all the hallmarks.